


Not In That Way

by sowish



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, it was supposed to be fluff when i started it but my finger slipped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 22:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6771976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren loved Camila. Just not in the way Camila wished she did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not In That Way

There was an ache in her chest. It was heavy and strong, the pit in her stomach was thrashing around. If there was one thing that hurt more than this, Lauren never knew what it was. It hurt, looking at old photographs and remembering what used to be good.  _Luis._  Lauren felt that Luis was her counterpart, the love of her life; obviously she was wrong when she heard foreign moans casting off the walls of his room, obviously wrong when she saw a pair of panties and boxers lying on the floor, obviously wrong when the alarm in his face shone brighter than sirens. All she knew at that moment was pain and devastation, and God; she’s never run faster than she did to get away from him. She drove with a jumbled mind, tears tracking down her face.

 

She found herself driving down a familiar street and parking into a familiar driveway. Ringing the doorbell, russet eyes sparked with excitement and quickly transformed to concern. Camila took her into her arms and stroked her hair, the notches down her spine and kissed her head. Camila was quiet and Lauren appreciated it- her silence. She felt if Camila had talked, her knees would buckle and her heart would pour its grief onto Camila’s living room floor. Instead, she took Lauren to her room, undressed her from her jeans and leather jacket and traded it for her comfiest sweatpants and baggiest sweatshirt. Lauren just stood there, stuck in some kind of paralyzed world. Camila had never seen Lauren’s eyes so blank and it hurt to see the emerald gems so dim. She thumbed away Lauren’s tears and wiped off Lauren’s makeup with the softest of touches. Taking her by the waist, she tucked her into her bed and kissed her forehead. Minutes later, she came back with hot chocolate with precisely two big marshmallows and five small ones, just the way Lauren liked it. Leaving it on the table beside her, she soon set up Tangled on her TV. After crawling into bed, Lauren cuddled into her, resting her head in the crook of her neck, her hands fisting Camila’s shirt. Lauren’s hot breath lingered onto her skin and she just held her tighter.

 

Lauren lost count of how long she’s cried into Camila’s neck. The shadows in her room faded in and out of her window and crickets chirped just as they always did. She felt Camila’s whisper in her hair, felt her words sink under her skin and into her head.

 

“You’ll be okay. No matter what it is, I’m here.”

 

“He cheated. He broke my fucking heart.”

 

And then Camila was quiet. The nimble fingers stroking her hair stopped and Lauren felt Camila’s breath falter.

 

“I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve this, no one does.”

 

“I thought he loved me. I guess not.”

 

“We’ll work through this. We’ll get past him and we’ll find someone who deserves you.”

 

Camila was right. Lauren did get over him, admittedly, it was easy when she understood that she was more than what he deserved- but she was more guarded than before. Her walls were higher and stronger than they used to be. Lauren felt herself become cold to humanity and she knew she estranged herself from people around her. All but Camila. She was conscience that she spent more time with Camila than she ever did before- benefits of being single she presumed. Lauren knew they tore through all of Camila’s Disney movies in less than two weeks and they were more than halfway through her rom-coms.

 

It started out the same every time. Lauren would change into Camila’s clothes and Camila would pile the stash of snacks at the end of her bed. They’d cuddle up and then spend maybe ten minutes watching the movie and the rest they spend talking. Tonight was different. Lauren felt it in the air; saw it in Camila’s rigid posture. But Lauren went on, nuzzling into her neck, ignoring the signs. Somewhere in between when the man holds the woman close and clutching tight to her shirt, she felt Camila’s gaze settle on her. And the look in her eyes made her heart warm.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Like what?”

 

“Like how he’s looking at her.”

 

“Maybe it’s because I adore you.”

 

This was normal too. Lauren would catch Camila staring at her with this love struck gaze and it never failed to make her heart lurch and palms sweat. Lauren would question her and Camila would look at her like she was the universe’s gift to the earth and it’d soon fade to mischief. But tonight her russet eyes burned with an intention in her heart.

 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

 

“Why should I? You’re someone to be adored.”

 

“No I’m not.”

 

“But you are! Can’t you understand? Ever since he broke your heart, your eyes never got brighter, you start fidgeting more with your hair and clothes. You’re insecure and it hurts me that you don’t understand just how beautiful you are.”

 

“He broke me. I don’t have that hope in me anymore. I can’t see what I’m worth, that I’m good enough.”

 

“Then let me show you. You deserve so much more than what he gave. You deserve flowers on your doorstep and coffee in the morning; with the fake sweetness you call sugar, notes on your car dashboard and ice cream sundaes at three am. You deserve honesty everyday and to be kissed at every hour. You deserve to be reminded how beautiful you are, especially when you talk with passion lurking in your eyes. And I may not be as pretty or as funny as anyone else who wants your attention, but I can promise you, no one else will try as hard as I will to make you see just how incredible you are. Let me show you the love you deserve because I know what I have for you is enough to warm the hearts of stone.”

 

The courage blooms in Camila’s eyes and it shines with every word, promise and affection dripping off each letter uttered. But once again, like months before, Lauren’s eyes dim with grief hanging off the emerald specks and she wishes she never asked Camila about how she looked at her, wishes Camila would just shut up because her heart starts sinking to her stomach and she feels her heart pulse through her ears. And what she says next, she wishes she could just take it back, swallow up the words and let Camila swaddle her up in love, because Lauren knows she could love her just as much as Camila believes. But instead, her bright russet eyes became clouded with regret and remorse and soon turn dim and cold.

 

“Camila, I love you. I do. With everything in me, but, just not in that way.”

 

If there was a pain stronger than what Lauren felt in that moment with Luis, this was it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and this is part of the great migration of my fics from 5hff but i hope yall enjoyed it!!


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